Untitled the First
Summary: chibi!Zhao Yun and Meng Huo meet. Crack. I forgot what exactly the request asked for, lol
Zhurong brought in an odd little creature that looked more like a silver Hamtaro than a cursed man. The poor animal had long hair and a long, big spear he couldn't carry.
"MENG HUO!" she bellowed.
"D-darling?" Meng Huo stopped stuffing the whole chicken into his mouth and ran-dashed like crazy to his wife's side lest she whip his behind until he couldn't sit for forever. "What is it?"
"Kiss this thing," she ordered. "Now. Or he'll die a hamster."
"I'm not going to kiss it." She thrust the Hamtaro-thing at him. "Do it or you die!"
Meng Huo trembled. He was secretly afraid of small creatures, and this one, however cute, was no exception.
But Zhurong had brought out her Magma Wheel and was tapping her palm with it.
Meng Huo swallowed, and with trembling lips kissed the cursed animal.
A second after the smoke cleared, Zhurong found her husband being tackled by a certain poster boy general, who kissed Meng Huo repeatedly while spluttering "thank you"s and "evil laser beam Wei witches." Meng Huo cried.
Zhurong kicked them both out of her house.
Untitled the Second
Summary: An unexpected person offers Diaochan a few words of comfort. Zhang Liao/Diaochan. Somewhat OOC.
A/N: Also I have absolutely no idea why I characterized them this way lmao. A chuckling Zhang Liao, how did that get here
"You look sad, my lady."
Diaochan looks up at Zhang Liao. "Good evening, my lord. What has brought you out at so late an hour?"
"If I say I'm doing the rounds, that is believable. But a lady like you at this time of the night..." He shook his head. "You'd best go back to bed."
"I'd rather not."
He chuckles, making Diaochan more distressed than ever. She forces her hands to stop fiddling with one another.
"Say, my lady: who is it really?"
"Lord Lu Bu? Or Lord Dong Zhuo, if you happen to prefer older men?"
She is offended. "Why such a question, Lord Zhang?"
"All my apologies. I was just curious, is all." He sits down beside her. "Aren't you supposed to be, you know, with them?"
Diaochan sighs. Perhaps she can trust this one person. "I don't know what to do about it. And besides, there's — Oh, never mind."
A night breeze blows. Diaochan feels the coldness of the night touch her spine, and she shivers reflexively. A second later she feels that someone has placed a warm garment over her shoulders, and knew that Zhang Liao has put it there.
"Thank you," she says.
"You're very much welcome. What should I not mind?"
It takes a moment for her to understand what he means. "Ah! So I told you: never mind it, my lord."
He looks at her, and his penetrating gaze makes her think that he can probe the depths of her soul and discover just what it is that is troubling her. She looks away.
Suddenly his hand is upon hers, and he squeezes it gently. "You'll soon find your way out of it."
Diaochan blushes, and she resolves not to look at Zhang Liao for the rest of her days. "Out of it," she says softly. "I wish I can fall out of love."
He laughs. "Lord Lu Bu is younger, you know."
"...My lord!" Diaochan's eyes widens, and despite her vow she looks at him.
He smiles at her. "I have to go now. You should sleep too; better not let the two of them catch you having a late-night talk with me. Or they'll get even more jealous."
Diaochan's cheeks heat up, but before she can say a word, Zhang Liao has gone away.
She touches the cloak on her shoulders and smiles dreamily.
Untitled the Third
Summary: Yukimura confesses to Masamune. With an army at his back and lots of frills. IIRC the request was for Masamune/Yukimura and a very cheesy confession. Deliberately OOC.
When Masamune peered out from the balcony, he was mortified to find an approaching army of pink-clad soldiers, sporting heart-shaped headdresses and placards spelling out 'I love you' in katakana, hiragana, kanji, and Hindu-Arabic.
The army in pink was making such an embarrassing ruckus that people from far and wide and from past and future came to look. Orochi was there, Nobunaga, Cao Cao. The posterboy Shu general. Mitsunari, Zhuge Liang and their fellow fan girls doing some sort of weird dance with their weapons. Da Ji, Nu Wa, and Sun Wukong, even the dudes from Gundam Musou with their hulking, massive machinery and the guys from Bladestorm oozing out a foreign aura.
"Oh, oh, Xiahou Yuan! Do that too!" Zhang He cooed, while his lover blushed and groaned and tried to escape.
"Heh, you'll get something like that from me too, ladies," Magoichi proclaimed.
Then suddenly the crowd parted, revealing a Yukimura clad in the same shocking pink, this time accessorized with expensive red silks. He was holding up a bouquet of red roses. "Date Masamune!" he declared with all his poster-boy aplomb. "Marry me, for I love you!"
Masamune's jaw dropped. "M-marry you?"
"I can't sleep at night because I think of you. When I fight, I fight for you. When I do go to sleep and dream, I dream of you!"
"OOOH!" the crowd gasped.
"Good God!" Masamune paled.
"It's true!" Yukimura cried. "I am madly, irrevocably in love with you! You are the axis on which my world spins, you are the sun that guides my way in daytime and the moon that lights my path in darkness. You are the treasure my poor heart seeks, the--"
"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" the crowd squeed, drowning out Yukimura's voice.
Masamune's color came back, but it bypassed red so that he morphed into a ripe tomato.
"What are you doing, party pooper?" Nobunaga said. "He's confessing."
"Yes, and put so much effort into it," Cao Cao seconded.
Masamune opened his mouth to speak, but did not for fear of squeaking. He was so embarrassed that he wanted to melt through the wood in the floor and seep down into the ground. Yukimura didn't have to be so damn flamboyant!
Out in the crowd another posterboy yelled, "My Lord Liu Bei! Wait till we get back to China, I'll top that one!"
"Then wait until I divorce him, you fanboy!" the Sun girl shouted back.
"Masamune! I love you! Marry me!"
"Masamune! I love you!" the pink army echoed.
"Party pooper, don't just gawk there like an idiot, answer him!" Nobunaga commanded.
"Indeed so! You'll get a husband as fit as any!" Cao Cao agreed, as if a husband was what Masamune needed.
Damn demons and posterboys had no shame whatsoever.
The crowd was looking up at Masamune with its collective huge puppy eyes, and everyone ranging from Ieyasu to Ginchiyo to Meng Huo to Lu Xun poked him insistently.
Perhaps because the onlookers pressured him so much, largely because it was even more embarrassing to refuse, but mainly because he also loved Yukimura, Masamune screamed, "All right, all right! I love you too!"
Confetti rained, music blared, fanboys and fangirls flailspazzed. The pink army raised their guns to the sky and fired ribbons of confetti, while the people below rejoiced, hugged each other, and felt like they were the ones to be married.
Yukimura was so happy, he levitated up to the balcony to kiss Masamune. For all the showing-off, the kiss was chaste and shy. He kept grinning as he snuggled into Masamune's arms.
Masamune wondered what he had just done.
Untitled the Fourth
Summary: Zhang He, Xiahou Yuan, and a tattoo.
A/N: Uh, I wrote it before I got to play DW6 and found out that Zhang He calls Yuan "general." Oh well.
The previous night was a blur in Xiahou Yuan's memory. He could not recall all that occurred the moment he emptied the wine-bowl, nor could he remember how he left the party.
Surely he must have not been all that drunk, was he?
Groggily he got up and groaned when a familiar pain began to hammer away in his head. Maybe he had too much to drink. Damn. He looked around and saw that he was in his room. Perhaps he managed to find his way here. Or he must have been carried. Or dragged.
He almost cried out when he saw, of all people, Zhang He lying on his bed, right next to him. Zhang He's carefully-styled hair was a bit of a mess and he clutched something foreign in his hand.
Yuan could not recall how Zhang He got into his bed. He groaned as a thought of what might have happened the previous night assaulted his mind's eye.
Poking at the exposed part of Zhang He's upper arm, Yuan began to wake him up. "Hey, Zhang He, time to move your butt! It's way past noon! hello!"
"Uhm." Zhang He stirred, woke up, peered at Yuan and smiled. "Thank you, Xiahou Yuan! It seems I have over-beauty-slept."
"Beauty-slept? You're in my bed."
"I know." Zhang He sat up, stretched lazily. When he finished and stood, he pinched Yuan's cheeks, much to the surprise of the other man. "Aren't you beautiful."
"It's high time you moved. And just what in hell were you doing in my bed?"
Zhang He covered his mouth with his fingers, as if he had just remembered something, and looked Yuan up and down. "Oh! What a beautiful work of art!"
He waved the foreign object before Yuan's eyes. "This beautiful thing is called a 'felt-tip pen'," he said.
Zhang He tapped Yuan's chest, then his stomach, with the pen. Then grinning mischievously, he teased, "Catch me if you can!"
And then he burst out of the room.
Yuan blinked. Then he looked down on his body. And then he yelped.
ZHANG HE, read the characters on his chest. And on his abdomen were butterflies.
"ZHANG HE!" Yuan cried out, and ran out of his room to chase Zhang He.
Summary: Xiahou Dun has the dubious honor of being escorted by Okuni.
Okuni batted her eyelashes.
Xiahou Dun pursed his lips and averted his head, at the same time urging his horse to go faster.
"Handsome pirate," Okuni cooed, easily catching up to him, "would you kindly turn your head this way? It makes the journey more exciting."
"It does not," Dun maintained, firmly refusing her request, although it put a lot of strain on his neck and made him feel more uncomfortable. "And do not call me pirate, woman. Don't associate me with Gan Ning's lot."
"Is that so?" Okuni wondered. "I know! I'll just call you 'Prince Charming', then."
"Just call me Xiahou Dun, woman."
"Call me darling anytime you want, wonder boy."
Dun grunted and raced ahead, eager to be free of her. But just as easily she matched his pace, judging by the sound of her horse keeping up with his own--and her giggles.
"Ooh, playing hard-to-get, Prince Charming! I like that."
"You did not have to come!" Dun snapped at the space in front of him, still not looking at Okuni. "I can make it back my own self. Go back to your camp and put on some make-up or something! I do not need you."
"I'm under Nobunaga's orders though. Can't resist his gorgeousness."
Dun grunted a second time. "Like I'd care."
"You should," she said. "Besides, we're both single now, aren't we?"
"What does my status have to do with this?"
She giggled, and Dun wondered if he'd suffered more humiliating events in his life than this: being caught by that pretender Nobunaga, released, and escorted back to the now-independent Wei camp like a damn baby by a woman. By this woman.
"Oh, it's going to be nighttime soon!" Okuni suddenly commented.
Dun blinked, then groaned like a dying man and facepalmed. He'd bet his entire life that he knew what she was about to say.
"Prince Charming, how about we search for an inn? I'm dying to get you into bed."
"Good heavens," Dun muttered.
"And I can't not have a bath."
"Forget the bath! We're spending the night on the road!" Dun croaked, already starting to panic.
"And here I was worrying that the innkeepers won't let us shower together." She sighed happily. "How kinky! Oh, I just love the idea of sleeping out with a charming pirate like you. Why don't we try it out?"
Dun turned to glare at her, but she batted her eyelashes at him and he was forced to look away, unable to accomplish what he intended to do.
Now, how to escape?